Death Of A Wiggin' Hero
by Roxius
Summary: AU and OOC...or is it? His death was the start of his legacy in the hearts of his comrades...yet their need for him and pain of losing him has become more of a curse on their lives. This is a terrible summary IMO. Please Read and Review!


A/N: I love the Bobobo series so much, yet, like with Yu-Gi-Oh, I find it hard to think up of fics for it for some reason.

* * *

The single grave was rather lonely out in the huge, empty desert. Travelers would pass by and wonder who the poor soul was that had been buried here. The gravestone was not really a gravestone at all, but a large rock with words carved into it. Most of it had fallen apart over the years, and with sand encrusted into it, the writing was barely legible.

However, if one took time to read it, a few words could be deciphered:

'R.I.P. Bo-' The rest was either shrouded by sand or had broken off. Whoever was buried here, it was only known to passerby that that person's name began with 'Bo'...

* * *

Don Patch let out a deep sigh as he stared out the bedroom window that overlooked his whole million-dollar estate. Over the years, he had become a powerful business man, and his wealth grew and grew, yet it only brought him grief. Despite only being around 40 years old, he felt like he was wearing down to his late sixties. A cold glass of cheap ruby-red wine was held tightly in his fist, as he watched his children play in the backyard, tossing the ball around and laughing so joyously.

He had three healthy little boys, all of them Rock-candy humanoids like him; however, the kids' only difference from their father were the small tufts of pink hair that grew on their heads.

It made him yearn for the times of his past, when he was young and free. He wanted to fight the Chrome Dome Empire again, he wanted to wig out again, he wanted to be by the side of the man he had to thank for his fortune of today, that man named-

"Don Patch."

Turning his eyes to the doorway, Don Patch saw his wife of five years staring back at him.

"Beauty...I thought you were outside with the children." Don Patch said, taking a small sip of his wine.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, my love..." She replied with a cute smile. It pained Don Patch every time he saw Beauty smile; he knew she was only forcing it upon herself to seem happy as she was. In truth, she was nothing short of being miserable.

"Just...go back outside, Beauty. I'm fine..." Don Patch said quietly, and Beauty nodded and left.

Don Patch sighed and shook his head in pity. 'That poor woman...she was so broken-hearted after Heppokomaru chose Suzu over her, even though they've been through so much together...if HE had still been alive, things might have been better for her...yet she turned to me for comfort. I care about her, but really only as a good friend...I don't even know what to do anymore...I can tell she's not happy here...she loves Heppokomaru, not me...but Heppokomaru is married to Suzu...and she doesn't want to leave our children either...what do I do?'

Don Patch finished off the rest of his drink and went downstairs to inspect the maids' work.

There were four maids in all: Hatenko, Tokoro Tennosuke, Softon and Torpedo Girl. All of them had fought alongside Don Patch before, and all of them had different reasons for being there. None of them seem to mind wearing maid outfits, either. Some of them were used to cross-dressing, actually.

Hatenko was forever loyal to Don Patch, and he was the first one to take up the job if only to stay close to his beloved boss.

Tennosuke was a bum, and no one would hire him, so he basically gave himself a job here.

Softon was Beauty's older brother, and he got a job here so he could keep an eye on her.

Torpedo Girl's still obsessed with Softon as before; she followed him all the way here.

Don Patch sighed again; even after HIS death, they couldn't stop being together. Yet, it wasn't the same without him...without Bobobo, the man who died protecting them.

"Hatenko, wipe all the windows. Tennosuke, clean the toilets and the kitchen and the boys' playroom and the living room and the attic and our bedrooms. Softon, dust the hallway on the third floor. Torpedo Girl, go shopping for tonight's dinner."

Nodding, all the maids rushed off to do their work, although Tennosuke was a bit pissed that he always had the most work out of any of them.

Pulling out a pack of cigars from his pocket, Don Patch lit one and slipped it in between his lips. He could hear the voices of his children and Beauty as they came back into the house for lunch. He could hear Beauty laughing...and it almost sounded realistic to him.

'Wow...she's gotten good at faking it...' Don Patch thought solemnly.

Now...there was nothing to do but live through this painful lie of an existence.

"Bobobo...why did you have to die? Please...come back..."

There was no answer.

"Please...make everything right again..."

No answer.

"I want Beauty to be happy! Just come back, you stupid idiot! Come back!"

There was nothing but silence answering his pleas.

Suddenly, he felt someone touch him on the shoulder. It was Beauty.

"By the way," she said, "I'm not upset about Heppokomaru. I'm actually in love with someone else...someone I know I'll never have now..."

"...W-Who is it?" Don Patch asked.

"Denbo-chan."

Then...someone farted.

* * *

Don Patch woke up in a stir; his round orange body was covered in sweat and it was pitch-black around him. He was lying outside for some reason. Picking himself up off the ground, he calmly walked into Beauty's tent. Then, leaning close to her sweet sleeping face and...

He screamed, "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKK!!"

Bobobo then jumped in out of nowhere and struck him with a 'SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: DEATH TO THE SPONDIFURULOUS LITTLE SHIT WHO LIKES TO SCREAM AT PEOPLE WHILE HE'S POOPING IN YOUR MOUTH WITH FISH STICKS IN MY EARS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN IT OFF BECAUSE I CAN'T BREATHE WHEN A SAMURAI IS POKING ME WITH HIS SWORD FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I LOVE YOU PLEASE MARRY ME BECAUSE I'M A LESBIAN NAMED TIFFY WHO LIKES MEN WITH HAIRY CHESTS SO THAT I'M A HYPOCRITE HEEEEEEYYYYYAH!'

As he was struck down by the insane technique, Don Patch was glad that it had all been a dream...

...but then he woke up again, lying in bed with Beauty, and he cursed the god of Osiris.


End file.
